Not All Leaders Shout

When people think about leadership, they often picture someone standing at a podium or firing up a crowd with bold vision and strong words. And sure, there is value in that kind of charisma. It has its place. But in my experience, especially in the world of church leadership, it’s the quiet leaders who leave the deepest mark.

I don’t have a booming voice or a spotlight personality. I’ve never been the loudest person in the room. What I bring instead is a steady hand, a listening ear, and a firm belief that leadership is mostly about showing up, serving others, and staying grounded in purpose.

We don’t all have to lead the same way. And some of the most effective leaders I know lead gently, not forcefully.

Why Steadiness Matters

Church life is full of change, emotion, and unpredictability. One week we are celebrating a baptism. The next, we are grieving with a family after a loss. There are budget meetings, building repairs, scheduling conflicts, and community needs. And in all of that, people are looking for something steady.

I believe that consistency is one of the most underrated leadership traits. It doesn’t make headlines, but it builds trust. When people know they can count on you to show up, to listen, and to respond calmly, no matter what’s going on, they start to relax. They know they’re in good hands.

I’ve learned that being a calming presence in the room is sometimes more important than having all the answers.

Listening Builds Trust

There is a big difference between hearing someone and really listening. True listening takes time. It requires putting your own agenda aside and focusing fully on the other person’s words, tone, and body language.

In my role at St. John’s Church, I’ve sat in countless conversations with staff, volunteers, and congregants. Some come to share ideas. Some come to vent frustration. Some just need to know that someone is paying attention.

And I’ve found that the act of listening itself, without judgment, without interruption, can open doors that no amount of persuasion can.

Quiet leadership values understanding over control. When people feel heard, they’re more willing to collaborate, more open to compromise, and more engaged in the community.

Humility Over Ego

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t have all the answers. I rely on a talented team. I lean on mentors. I take feedback seriously. And I try not to let my pride get in the way of progress.

Leadership is not about being right all the time. It’s about knowing when to step up and when to step back. It’s about creating space for others to shine. It’s about being okay with the spotlight shifting away from you.

That kind of humility takes practice, especially in a world that often rewards noise and self-promotion. But I’ve seen how far humility can go in building lasting, authentic relationships.

Gentle Doesn’t Mean Passive

Now, I should be clear. Gentle leadership is not the same as weak or passive leadership. It doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations or saying yes to everything. In fact, it often requires more strength and self-control than a louder approach.

There have been moments in my role when I’ve had to say no to a program, delay a project, or hold a firm boundary. I’ve made unpopular decisions and had difficult conversations. But I try to do it with kindness and clarity, not with sharpness or ego.

Gentle leaders can still be strong. We just channel that strength in ways that protect dignity and build bridges rather than burn them.

Showing Up Is Half the Battle

One thing I’ve learned is that just being present matters more than we think. When people see you consistently engaged—whether it’s at a staff meeting, a community event, or simply walking the halls, they begin to understand that you care.

Some of my most meaningful leadership moments didn’t happen during formal meetings. They happened while rolling up chairs after an event, making coffee for a group, or stopping to chat with someone in the hallway.

These small acts are not small at all. They’re the foundation of servant leadership, a style that says, “I’m here with you, not above you.”

What Quiet Leadership Has Taught Me

Leading quietly has taught me a lot about patience and perspective. It’s taught me that progress is often slow and that people need time to grow and adapt. It’s taught me that leadership is not about titles, but about influence, integrity, and care.

It’s also taught me that people notice more than you think. They see who shows up. They see who listens. They see who treats everyone with respect, even when no one is watching.

At St. John’s, I’ve seen how this kind of leadership fosters a culture of trust and collaboration. People feel safe to contribute. They feel seen and valued. And that’s when real growth happens.

A Quiet Word Before We Go

If you’re someone who leads behind the scenes, who doesn’t always speak first, or who prefers to serve rather than direct, you’re not alone, and you’re not any less of a leader.

The world needs more steady hands. It needs more listening hearts. It needs people who can guide with clarity and kindness, even when the path isn’t easy.

You don’t have to raise your voice to raise up others. Sometimes the most powerful leadership is the kind that moves quietly, with purpose, with patience, and with deep care.

That’s the kind of leader I try to be. And if you’re wired the same way, keep going. Your presence makes a difference, even when you don’t always see it.